dinner

i've invited my dad over to my house countless times and he always refuses.
i wonder if he's nervous driving the 5 miles here, afraid he will get lost.
so i don't push.
today, i called him and said, "i'm bringing stuff over to your house to make dinner".
he said, "well, i hope i'll be good company".
i told him it didn't matter, i just wanted to be with him and it had been a while since we shared a meal.
so whitney and i showed up at 4:30 with food to cook.
he was a little freaked out.
i mean, not comfortable.
he kept rambling in the refrigerator for what he could add to the meal.
he had some little steaks that he needed to cook, so we pulled those out.
he was obviously a little agitated.
he tested his blood sugar, 154, normal.
we went for a walk, that helped.
we came back and he and whit cleaned the puzzles off the table while i prepared dinner.
at dinner, he was still out of sorts.
after dinner, warren had to run whit to a babysitting job, so it was just dad and i.
he talked about how frustrating it was to not feel comfortable driving in mooresville.
i reassured him that i would love to drive him.
and that i am so happy that he is here where i can help.
i wonder if he's worse since he's been in mooresville or if i am just aware of his condition more.
i know he needs help and guidance.
but i know he hates it.
warren came back and they settled in front of the tv for some baseball.
now that's what calms him!
i cleaned the kitchen. he still does a pretty good job but i was happy to have an excuse to get in there and wipe down the counters and appliances.
by the time we left, things were great.
his memory was excellent tonight i thought, but he was just restless.
next time, i will prepare a casserole or something to just pop in the oven.
something that doesn't need too much preparation or fuss.
trial and error.
i'm not afraid to try!

why i'm here

my mom died on december 26, 2005 after a six week illness.
my dad was devastated.
he moved to be close to her grave in virginia.
six months later, he moved back to an over-55 apartment complex kernersville, nc, the city where they had lived.
a few months later, he bought a house in kernerville in the neighborhood where they had lived.
less than a year later, he bought another house, still in kernersville, in a different neighborhood.
each time moving, he was sure that his life would be better.
from the beginning, my husband and i encouraged him to move to mooresville, nc to be closer to us.

looking back, this poor judgement may have been the first signs of his dementia.

he finally moved closer to me in june 2010.
we found a wonderful over-55 brand new apartment for him.
the folks are nice and he is comfortable.
not necessarily happy, but comfortable.

since he's been here, i have seen how his mental health has deteriorated over the years. things he could hide in a 3 hour visit are more visible on a day-to-day basis.
what i though then was stubbornness i now see was brain loss.
he's extremely healthy, except for his memory!

i believe we are in the very beginning stages of this.
he is still able to care for himself.
he's clean.
he cooks.
his house is clean.
he takes his medicines (i got a pill case for him).
he is able to do laundry (although i think that may leave him soon).
he pays his bills.
he loves to go for walks.
he visits with his neighbors.
i'm not sure he knows how to use the phone.....

i have an older sister and a younger brother who live in virginia.
one of the purposes of this blog is to keep them posted without calling or emailing for every little thing.
another is to document my journey and be able to express feelings.

by the way, i have an amazingly supportive husband who loves me and my dad very much.
we have a 15-year-old daughter at home and three older sons who have moved out.